Lawyers...

A man went to his lawyer and told him "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof?",asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500!" replied the man. "Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need, " said the lawyer.

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The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

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A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"

The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"

"$7.98."

A few days later the butcher received a cheque in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150.

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"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money."

"Why do you say that?"

"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $250."

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The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honours, and then went home to join his father's firm.

At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!"

His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"

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That's all folks for now !

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||7:09 am||||||||||.
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How True Is This?

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ARIES MAN

He always let other people walk in front of him, but he will get there first. He is a very careful guy and small obstacles won't make him fall easily even he thinks life is a very serious matter. He is as romantic as any other Zodiac. He could look gentle, but inside he is as strong as steel. Once he determines to do something, he is serious about doing it well. He will keep any pressure or insult deep down inside without showing emotion. You will never see his emotion of burden or disappointment and always wonder what he thinks or feels. He will be well kept his feeling.

ARIES WOMAN

She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even real, so she will feel hurt. She thinks her path has to be a beautiful one. She thinks only good things so she prepares and always makes arrangement for herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed.

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TAURUS MAN

A quiet simple man who can do something unexpected to shock you. Taurus man mostly medium tall, strong with good health, good strong body. When he talks, he likes to turn his head to one side on one direction. His body will be quite straight, facial structure tends to be square shape more than other shape. His eyes sparkle with liveliness. Even when he is in love, he is still a free wild bird. He is sand in your palm, the more you want to hold it, it will slip out. If you stand and hold it still, it will stay that way. Don't set the rules and draw a line for him, he will not stay.

TAURUS WOMAN

A slim moderately tall woman. Taurus woman is funny and a jolly person. Square facial bone structure, high cheek bone. Her round big eyes sparkle with wit and curiosity. You will not see many round faces Taurus women, and mainly she will have a strong jaw line. She is a constantly change person. If she is upset,she will not show it and will keep it to herself for a long time, and will remember them so well. If she gets really mad at you, you will suddenly become a totally and completely stranger to her.

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PISCES MAN

He is very emotional and always allows himself to be very emotional. He can have good night sleep and be in a good mood, and less than few hours at work he can be very moody. He does not understand things or try to understand things easily. If you notice him carefully, you will notice what kind of moods he is in. He is a thinker and able to do well at work and always succeed.His normal gestures mean he always looks at other people faults, but he will not talk about it. He has the ability to know your thought and able to tell you what you are thinking about.

PISCES WOMAN

She likes to be in a dream world than to be in reality. She is weak and sensitive when it's come to "Love". She can cry if her best friend is breaking up, and she can be over excited when her friend gets a new boy friend who is a good looking and rich even it is nothing concerned her at all. You might be surprise to see that she is shy just because she is in love. More or less it will be in Pisces woman. She loves small animal and gifted in training animals. She has sixth senses and she can guess what will happen next, it's her nature. Even she has a good sixth senses, she can not pick or foreseen her own choice of lover. She can not tell if she meet a sincere guy or an one-night stand guy.

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AQUARIUS MAN

Hot-hearted man who likes to do thing his way. He can suddenly decide to do something without thinking of its outcome. He is the type of guy with an inside energizer, so if you fall in love with this type of guy be "patient", even if you have to follow him a bit. His creative mind could create fantastic idea any time. If you do not understand or an not follow him, you won't be with him for long.

AQUARIUS WOMAN

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed. Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader, a real confident type.

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CAPRICORN MAN

A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jaw line. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it. He often shakes his head or touches his hair. He is a big built, but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes' color. He will likely have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has a shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in the other zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman. His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a big long step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, so you could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.

CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection. She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comments or criticize but she will completely ignore that person. She hate plastic and an artificial flower because it make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flower and its scent.

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GEMINI MAN

A man in this Zodiac has a thin long and proportional face. He has a high forehead and very cleaver. He looks like he can not stand or sit still, a very fast person. His nose is just right in size, thin lips, talk fast and very talkative. He can think faster than he talks, but once he starts talking, he will talk non stop as if god has gifted him with that special talk machine mouth. He likes to cut his hair short and he is very athletic. He is a tall, slim and every movement of his is "Fast" or nearly calls "Hyperactive".

GEMINI WOMAN

A good looking woman with brains, a very interesting person. She has a fast movement and she could not sit still or stand still long. She is able to do many things at the same time and do it fast. If you date her, you will feel like dating many women at the same time. You can not tie her down with the word "Love" because she cares about love but is it not a major factor of her life. You have to be able to adjust yourself to get along with her many different characters. She is a dreamer and has many dreams.

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CANCER MAN

The most sensitive man and the weakest emotional type in all Zodiacs. Most Artists are Cancer. Cancer is controlled by the "Moon" and the moon change it's shape daily, so Cancer man's emotional and moods change all the time too. You will confuse with him and yet it is his constantly changes that "Charm" you. He never go to get what he wants directly, but he will wait for a chance and opportunity to do so. Once he gets what he wants, he will not loose it, except if he get tired of it by himself. The most sensitive man who can not stand rejection. He cares what other people feel or think of him. He hates loosing face and he tends to over protected himself, so sometimes people might think he is a cold person.

CANCER WOMAN

When she is in love, she will act both ways. First, shy and polite trembling to be near you. Second, Attach to you like glue and trying to be with you all the times. She will try to go home with you after work, or have every lunch with you. It is O.K. if you like her too, but if it is not the case, you will feel very uncomfortable. She hates to be talked about or gossiped by someone else. If she knows she will be very hurt. In nature she is a shy type, except she has been influenced by some other Zodiac. She is not a brave or daring type, so if you like her then you better be the one who start first. She will not accept her true feeling, so if you like here you better tell her first.

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LEO MAN

He likes to comb his hair backward, open his forehead showing a dignify facial expression. His eyes are sparkle, but slightly showing laziness. He walks firmly and slowly like a lion, confident and ego proud. Outside, you may think he is kind and gentle person, but inside he is a strong and secure person. If he is frighten, he will react and respond right away. His words always seem normal but mostly imply "order and demanding". He will not talk fast, or can not talk fast, neither walk fast. In a crowd or at work he will act normally, but not for long you will see him standing out of the crowd and be a center of attention with his words, or his action. You might think he is a shy guy, but deep down inside he wants to power over his family and his friends. He just waits for that right moment. Do not take what is his, and do not order him, or else you will see a fierce lion. He respects elderly and senior, but will never bow down and accept like a looser for he will rather die than loose his dignity.

LEO WOMAN

She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo woman is normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks she walks like a queen, confident and does not look around, though as if there is no one around her. She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she chooses to wear. Do not buy cheap cloths where they sell in dozen for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy cloths that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange cloths and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

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VIRGO MAN

Time is precious for Virgo man and if you make him wait, he will consider that as an insult. He hates to hear criticism and hates to be criticized. If he is criticizing other people, then he must be influenced by other Zodiac. He is and he likes to be a perfectionist. He always think he is doing the right and appropriate thing, and often he thinks he makes no mistake. He is a bright guy and could accept comments if he thinks it can improve himself. He is the type who well adjusted to make changes. He will spent money carefully and spent it worthwhile. He will only extravagant for his personnel pleasure only. He is quite romantic, a type of guy who can drive 100 miles just to tell you how much he misses you.

VIRGO WOMAN

She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with confident and proud. She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks. You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.

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LIBRA MAN

A man who has no balance like his Zodiac symbol. He is not the gentle, cool, calm and charming guy like what you see. He has another dark side of aggression, stubborn and he likes to start an argument the most. Sometime she can be so depress and unstable. Up and down like he is trying to balance himself most of the time. To many people, he is a friendly guy and always smiles even when he is mad or up set. His voice is always gentle and calm. He always set and comb his hair as if he comes out from a shampoo advertisement. Mostly Libra men are good looking, even the ugly one is charming.When he smiles, it is so bright that the whole world is smiling with him too.

LIBRA WOMAN

Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spend so much effort to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tends to look younger than her age. She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% woman. She looks nice in either Jean or night gown.

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SCORPIO MAN

A man with a foggy clouds over him. He is sensitive and easily hurt and always feels lonely. He does not trust anyone but himself. Sounding so negative, but he has an amazingly charisma. He is a compassionate man. He absorbs other people sentimental feeling and pain. He is a good psychiatrist and he could understand complex and confused feeling. He has a hidden power that he could use it to make things happen and do things well. He does not like people who never try to help themselves before asking other people for favors. He is the type of guy who mostly achieved his goal in life. Once he sets his mind for something, he will put all his energy and efforts in it, whether or not it is a small matter or a big project. One of the most success man in all the Zodiac.

SCORPIO WOMAN

A simple woman who always show what kind of a moods she is in. You can tell right way if she up set, or if she is flirting with you. She displays herself with her act much more than trying to say it for it's in her character. A Scorpio woman has her own mysterious personality.She is confident and deep down inside she is quite proud of herself. She hates to think she is borne a woman and so limiting her with a certain social acceptable rules.

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SAGITTARIUS MAN

A man who loves social life and curious about every new progress, new development to make sure he is in the era and always have all up date information. He likes to know what the latest trend of fashion is and make sure he is not out of style. You can easily spot him at the grand opening of new pub, new restaurant for he loves to participate in social activity. There is a few Sagittarius who is a private person as well, but you could see that he will be ahead of his friends. He will know what is the best seller book, what are the top 10 hot hit of the week. The hottest movies showing now, he must have already seen it.

SAGITTARIUS WOMAN

A tall slim and graceful woman who walks proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step. She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seems so happy. She will not get up set easily.

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  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||10:46 am||||||||||.
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Facts Of Life

--> Can we really sense if someone is staring at us?

It would seem that many of us can, according to research by Cambridge University biologist Rupert Sheldrake. "I've conducted more than 20,000 trials, and the results show over and over again that most people know when they are being stared at from behind - even if they're blindfolded," says Sheldrake.

--> As the Earth's population of people and animals gets bigger, does the weight of the planet increase?

Earth is not putting on weight. Because humans and animalnothing but materials that come from the Earth, nothing can be added to this mass by an increase in population. For example, two mice might produce 20 offspring. But these 20 mice eat 20 times as much food and drink 20 times as much water.

However, the planet's mass is increasing because of the number of meteorities ad asteroids and the meteoric dust that strike the Earth. Our planet gains weight by this method at an average of 150 million kilograms a year.

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||5:58 am||||||||||.
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Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks,
Any heart, not tough,
Or strong, enough
To take a lot of pain,
Take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

I’m young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
Really learned a lot
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it’s hot
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They’re not foolin’ me

I know it isn’t true,
I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts
Ooh,ooh love hurts

[guitar solo]

I know it isn’t true,
I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh love hurts
Ooh ooh...

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||2:40 am||||||||||.
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Why is it so painful and hurts so bad... To like somebody... And that someone does not know that you like her...

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||1:28 am||||||||||.
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A Picture For Tonight

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||8:51 pm||||||||||.
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Show Your Girlfriend This Is How Much You Love Her.

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||8:37 pm||||||||||.
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Some Pictures On The Sentosa Musical Fountain

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||10:34 pm||||||||||.
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李圣杰(Lee Shen Jie) - 痴心绝对

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想用一杯Latte把你灌醉 好让你能多爱我一点

暗恋的滋味 你不懂这种感觉 早有人陪的你永远不会

看见你和他在我面前 证明我的爱只是愚昧

你不懂我的 那些憔悴 是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解 我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切

你又狠狠逼退 我的防备 静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会 我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天

直到那一天 你会发现 真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

曾经我以为我自己会后悔 不想爱的太多痴心绝对

为你落第一滴泪 为你做任何改变 也唤不回你对我的坚决

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  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||1:56 pm||||||||||.
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Women Are Hard To Pleased!!女人很难取悦!

If you treat other girls nicely, she says you are trying to lure them;
如果你对其他女孩好，她说你在勾引她们.
If you don't, she says you are not a gentleman.
如果不是，她说你不够绅士.

If you like smoking and drinking, she says those are bad hobbies;
如果你抽烟喝酒，她说那些都是恶习.
If you don't, she says you are not a man.
如果不是，她说你没男人味.

If you like attending party, she doesn't think you are a responsible person;
如果你喜欢聚会，她会觉得你不是个可靠负责任的人.
If you don't, she thinks you are boring.
如果你不喜欢，她会觉得你很无聊没情趣.

If you earn a lot of money, she thinks you will leave her;
如果你赚到了钱，她认为你会离开她.
If you don't, she will leave you.
如果你赚不到钱，她会离开你.

If you care for her, she will say: Do some big things!
如果你放心思在她身上，她会说:去做点大事情!
If you don't, she will say: You are not good to me!
如果不是，她会说:你对我一点都不好!

If you are late, you have to apologize several times;
如果你迟到了，你必须道歉无数次.
If she is late, you mustn't say anything.
如果她迟到了，那是应该的，你什么都不能说.

If you apologize to her, she always won't accept;
如果你向她道歉认错，她通常不会接受.
If you don't, you will die!
如果你不道歉认错，那你死定了!

If you pay more attention to your work, she says Family is Important;
如果你专注于工作，她会说家庭很重要.
If you pay more attention to the family, she says Work is More important.
如果你专注于家庭，她会说，男人应该更重视事业.

If you are good to her, she will be proud;
如果你对她好，她会恃宠而骄，不把你放眼里.
If you are not, she will complain.
如果你对她不好，她马上就会抱怨.

When you love a women, she won't care you;
当你爱她时，她通常不在乎你.
When you give up and forget her, she will tell you that she loves you before.
当你放弃了以后，她会说，其实本来我是爱你的.

If you stay with her, she will say: I need my own space.
如果你陪着她，她会说:我需要自己的私人空间.
If you don't, she will call you every ten minutes.
如果你不陪她，她会每十分钟给你一个电话盯着你.

If you break your promise, she will never foget it;
如果你没做到自己对她的承诺，她永远都会记得.
If she do, you must forget it.
如果是她没做到，那你必须忘掉这回事.

If you say: You are not good enough to me, she thinks you are hard to take along with;
如果你告诉她:你对我不够好，她会认为你难相处.
If you don't tell her, she will never be better to you!
如果你不说，那她永远不会对你更好!

If she tell you her problems, you should be patient and find ways to solve;
如果她把她的问题告诉你，你必须耐心倾听并找出办法解决.
If you have troubles, she will say: Do with it by yourself, you are a Man!
如果你自己有麻烦，她会说:自己解决，你是男人!

If you can't solve the problem, she thinks you are stupid and useless;
如果她的问题你解决不了，她会认为你愚蠢和无能.
But she always forgets it's her problem.
但她会忘了，那根本是她的麻烦!

If you don't like other men get close to her, you are selfish;
如果你不喜欢其他男人接近她，她觉得你自私.
If you don't care, she will say you don't love her.
如果你无所谓，她会觉得你不爱她.

If she hurts you, she will never think so;
如果她伤害了你，她自己从不会这样认为.
And before she say: You hurt me, you will never know which thing will hurt her;
当她告诉你伤害了她之前，你永远不会知道什么事会伤害她
Maybe Everything!
也许任何事!

If she is angry with you, you are wrong;
如果她生你气，那一定是你错了.
If you are angry with her, you are ALSO wrong!
如果你生她的气，你还是错了!

When she loves you, everything you do is Good and you are the Best person in the world;
当她爱你的时候，你做的每件事都很好，她觉得你是世上最好的人.
When she doesn't love you any more, everything about you is bad and u are the Worst guy in the world.
当她不再爱你的时候，你所做的每件事都是不好的，而你成了世上最大的坏蛋.

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||1:47 pm||||||||||.
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Time Never Goes Back

Once upon a time, there was a teacher and his student lying down under a big tree near a big grass area.

Then, suddenly, the student asked the teacher,

Student : Teacher, I'm confused, how can we find our soul-mate? Can you please help me?

Teacher : (Silent for few second, than he answer) Well, it's a pretty hard and easy question.

Student : (Thinking hard) Huh???

Teacher : Look on that way, there are a lot of grass there. Why don't you walk there but please never walk backward, just walk straight ahead. On your way, try to find a beautiful grass and pick it up then give it to me. But just one.

Student : Well, OK then... Wait for me... (Walked straight ahead to the grass field).

A few minutes later...

Student : I'm back.

Teacher : Hmm, well I don't see any beautiful grass on your hand.

Student : On my journey, I found few beautiful grass, but I thought that I would find a better one, so I didn't pick it up. But I didn't realize that I'm at the end of the field, and I hadn't picked up any. Cause you told me not to go back, so I didn't go back.

Teacher : That's what happened in real life.

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What is the message of this story?

* Grass - is people around you

* Beautiful Grass - is people that attract you

* Grass Field - is time

* In looking for your soulmate, please don't always compare and hope that there will be a better one. By doing that, you'll waste your lifetime, cause remember "Time Never Goes Back". It applies the same in finding your ideal life partner, your suitable career or business, therefore the morale is LOVE & grab hold of the opportunity that you have now, don't waste time!

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"A person must be big enough to admit their mistakes, smart enough to profit from them,
and strong enough to correct them."

"The object is not to see through one another, but to see one another through."

"Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow."

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."

  :Posted By: Dysfunctional Sadist At ||||||||||3:17 am||||||||||.
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